The Journey of Grief: Navigating Its Stages and Consequences

Grief in Islam includes accepting Allah’s will, expressing feelings, getting sympathy from the community, praying and pleading, doing good deeds, concentrating on the hereafter, and pursuing knowledge and wisdom. Muslims who follow these guidelines find comfort, fortitude, and spiritual development while overcoming the difficulties of loss and bereavement.

I recently learned “The Elephant and the Blind” story by Thomas Metzinger. There are many versions of this story, and what I read includes one elephant and 6 blind people. When they observed a part of the same elephant, they described their understanding of the elephant. Some said that it is a plain wall. Others said it is a very high column, etc. So, our grief perception is different for each of us, and this perception becomes our reality. Grief is a fundamental human emotion that is a complex and multidimensional reaction to loss. Grief penetrates every aspect of our lives, altering our feelings, attitudes, and actions, whether due to the loss of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, the loss of a career, or any other major event. To go through this difficult process and eventually find acceptance and healing, it is essential to understand the phases of grieving.

An Overview of Grief

Many times, grief is defined as a normal reaction to loss and includes a vast array of feelings, ideas, and bodily experiences. It is a very private experience shaped by societal, cultural, and personal elements. Although mourning is frequently connected to the loss of a loved one, it can also be triggered by other types of losses, such as divorce, illness, or displacement.

The Grief Stages

The five phases of mourning were first proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her groundbreaking book “On Death and Dying.”[1] It’s vital to remember that not everyone experiences the mourning process in the same way or a linear manner, even though these phases are commonly accepted as a foundation for understanding it. The phases consist of:

Denial: People may find it difficult to acknowledge the truth of their loss during the early stages of mourning. They can be shocked and incredulous, reluctant to accept the reality of what has occurred. As a coping strategy, denial helps people confront the severity of their loss gradually and at a speed that is comfortable for them. Personally, I denied my mother’s death after 1 week of hearing it. It seemed to me unreal since I could not see her last moments and the funeral. I remember I kept saying that this was just a dream, which I was going to wake up and tell my husband about it. I did have the same thought when I had to leave my country and land in Montreal. I told myself that this was just a bizarre dream. However, after exploring the grieving, I found that I was taking my time to face the severity of my losses, displacement, and the death of my mother.

Anger: As the loss’ reality sets in, resentment and sentiments of anger may come to the surface. Anger might be directed against oneself, other people, or even the one they have lost. When people struggle with the unfairness of their situation, anger is a normal reaction to emotions of injustice and helplessness. I met one of my students at this stage. She left all her religious rituals after her niece died because she was so angry at God, for killing her niece. She was experiencing anger towards God, but she did not want to admit it first. However, when she admitted it loudly, it even reflected on her body. Then, after exploring this anger towards God, the unfairness of the situation came up as a reason for this anger. The underlying issue of the unwillingness to admit anger towards God is the understanding that a servant can not be mad at God. I explained that to be authentic to you and God will make us closer to God and have a strong relationship with Allah. He knows already what we feel. Allah wants us to work on our feelings to grow.

Bargaining: During this phase, people could try to make agreements or bargain with a higher power to lessen or reverse their loss. They could have magical thinking, thinking that they can somehow reverse the events that have transpired if they follow specific rituals or actions. During intense emotions, bargaining can give a brief sensation of relaxation and a pretense of control.

Depression: As the full weight of the loss sets in, individuals may experience profound sadness, loneliness, and despair. They may withdraw from social interactions, struggle to find joy in activities they once enjoyed, and grapple with feelings of emptiness and hopelessness. Depression is a natural response to the magnitude of the loss and the profound changes it brings to one’s life.

Acceptance: The final stage of grief involves coming to terms with the reality of the loss and integrating it into one’s sense of self. Acceptance does not mean forgetting or moving on from the loss; rather, it involves finding a way to live with it and redefine one’s identity in its wake. Individuals may experience moments of peace and resolution, recognizing that while the pain of grief may never fully disappear, it can be integrated into a new sense of normalcy.

Critique of the Stages of Grief

While the stages of grief offer a valuable framework for understanding the grieving process, they have been subject to criticism for their perceived rigidity and universality. Critics argue that grief is a deeply personal and individualized experience, influenced by a multitude of factors including culture, personality, and the nature of the loss itself. Additionally, not everyone linearly experiences grief, and individuals may move back and forth between stages or experience them in a different order.

Moreover, the intricacy of feelings that people go through during the mourning process could not be fully captured by the phases of grieving. Grief is a chaotic, unexpected journey with varying emotional intensity; it is not a smooth and linear development from one stage to the next.

The phases of mourning remain a helpful framework for comprehending and managing the grieving process despite these objections. They give guidance to those who are having difficulty making sense of their feelings and experiences, as well as confirmation that what they are going through is a normal and understandable reaction to loss.

Cultural and Social Influences on Grief

Grief is not only a deeply personal experience but also one that is shaped by cultural and social factors. Different cultures have their own rituals, customs, and beliefs surrounding death and mourning, which can profoundly influence how individuals experience and express their grief.

In some cultures, for example, death is viewed as a natural and inevitable part of life, and mourning is a communal affair marked by elaborate ceremonies and rituals. In other cultures, death may be seen as taboo or stigmatized, leading individuals to suppress their grief and suffer in silence.

Social support also plays a crucial role in how individuals cope with grief. Those who have strong support networks, whether it be family, friends, or community groups, may find it easier to navigate the grieving process and find meaning and purpose in their loss. Conversely, those who lack social support may feel isolated and alone in their grief, exacerbating feelings of sadness and despair.

Coping Strategies for Grief

While grief is a natural and unavoidable part of life, there are strategies that individuals can employ to cope with their loss and find healing and acceptance. Some of these strategies include:

Seeking social support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups for comfort and companionship. Talking about your feelings and sharing memories of your loved one can help you feel less alone in your grief.

Engaging in self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional needs by getting enough sleep, eating healthily, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and comfort. Exercise, meditation, and relaxation techniques can also help reduce stress and promote emotional well-being.

Honoring your loved one: Find meaningful ways to commemorate and remember your loved one, such as creating a memory book, planting a tree in their honor, or participating in a charity event in their name. Keeping their memory alive can provide comfort and solace during difficult times.

Seeking professional help: If you’re struggling to cope with your grief or experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies for managing your grief.

Giving yourself time: Remember that grief is a process that takes time to heal. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up without judgment or criticism. Healing from loss is not a linear journey, and it’s okay to take breaks or seek support when you need it.

In Islam, mourning is a very important topic as it is closely related to Muslims’ religious rituals and beliefs. Islam offers a framework for comprehending and managing sorrow, as well as direction and assistance to those who have suffered a loss. These are some essential elements of mourning in Islam:

1. Acceptance of Allah’s Will: The idea of submitting to Allah’s (God’s) will is fundamental to Islamic beliefs. Muslims hold that everything, including life and death, occurs in accordance with Allah’s divine design. Consequently, Muslims are urged to accept Allah’s will patiently and have faith in His wisdom when they experience loss.

2. It Is Allowed to Grieve: Islam recognizes that grief is a normal human emotion, even as it stresses acceptance of Allah’s decision. When a Muslim experiences loss, it is acceptable and even recommended for them to express their feelings of grief, sadness, and sorrow. This was shown by the Prophet Muhammad himself, who expressed his grief for the passing of his dear ones, Ibrahim, his little boy, and his adored wife Khadijah.

3. Supportive Community: In Islamic custom, the community is an essential source of assistance for bereaved individuals. Friends, relatives, and Muslim community members gather to provide consolation, support, and prayers for the departed and their cherished ones. This feeling of unity creates a sense of support and belonging while also lessening the emotional toll of loss.

4. Prayer and Supplication: Two essential Islamic coping mechanisms for grieving are prayer (Salah) and supplication (Du’a). Muslims are encouraged to pray to Allah to ask for His wisdom, consolation, and fortitude when facing hardships. It is also customary to recite certain prayers and supplications for the departed as well as their loved ones, since it is thought to provide comfort and benefits.

5. Charitable Deeds: In Islam, performing charitable deeds (Sadaqah) in memory of the departed is regarded as a virtue. Muslims are free to offer charitable donations, give alms, or carry out deeds of kindness in remembrance of their loved ones. In addition to helping people in need, this is a method to pay respect to the dead and ask for blessings for their soul.

6. Emphasis on the Afterlife: Islamic beliefs place a strong emphasis on the fleeting character of life on Earth and the eternal nature of life in the Hereafter. Muslims hold to the idea that the soul carries on after death and that the dead will be judged for their actions in the Hereafter. Grieving people might find solace in this concept by understanding that their loved ones are in the mercy and care of Allah.

7. Pursuing Wisdom and Knowledge: To have a deeper understanding of life’s meaning, death, and the hereafter, Islam promotes pursuing wisdom and knowledge. Taking time to consider the teachings of the Quran, going to religious lectures, and getting advice from educated people (such as scholars or imams) may all be beneficial in helping one deal with bereavement.

Conclusion

We are all impacted by the complicated and diverse experience of grief at some time in our lives. The stages of grief provide a useful framework for comprehending the mourning process, but it’s crucial to remember that each person’s experience of sorrow is unique and very specific, impacted by a variety of societal, cultural, and personal circumstances.

Through embracing and respecting our sorrow, looking for assistance from others, and using coping mechanisms to control our feelings, we may make our way through the suffering of bereavement and eventually arrive at recovery and understanding. Instead of being something to be avoided or dreaded, grief is a normal and necessary aspect of being human and a sign of how deeply we love and are connected to others.

We may honor our loved ones’ memories and find meaning and purpose in their absence by facing our sadness with bravery and compassion. And in doing so, we might find that there is hope, resiliency, and the potential for fresh starts even in our darkest circumstances.

Grief in Islam includes accepting Allah’s will, expressing feelings, getting sympathy from the community, praying and pleading, doing good deeds, concentrating on the hereafter, and pursuing knowledge and wisdom. Muslims who follow these guidelines find comfort, fortitude, and spiritual development while overcoming the difficulties of loss and bereavement.